Brene Brown says…

“Authenticity is a daily practice. Choosing authenticity means:

Cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable: exercising the COMPASSION that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit; nurturing the CONNECTION and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are.”

What are the benefits of authenticity?

I believe that expressing our authenticity is a necessity for a life of fulfilment and connection. Since expressing more of my own authenticity in the world, I have experienced an increase in my self-esteem and it has absolutely increased the quality of all my relationships.

How can I be more authentic?

Are you talking about the weather when you’d rather be talking about your passions? Are you nodding in agreement out of politeness? Are you telling people how you REALLY feel?

I think everyone is secretly craving more authenticity but perhaps we are unsure about how to go about it. Whatever your starting point you can always be more authentic, you can always reveal more of yourself, but perhaps you are feeling scared and overwhelmed at the thought of being seen by the world or feeling terrified at the thought of exposing your tender heart.

Here’s some tips to get you started:

1. Listen to yourself and speak from the heart. Listen to yourself more than you do anyone else, and I mean ANYONE. Talk about the stuff that actually matters to you. Talk about what excites you and what scares you. Express your full self (especially your ‘imperfections’).

2. Self-reflection and self-awareness are fundamental. Why not write about your experiences in a journal. Observe how you feel when you are talking to people? Ask yourself ‘did that feel natural and nourishing?’ or ‘did that feel forced and draining’. Take note of what are you learning about yourself and others? What progress are you making?

3. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Honour yourself and any difficult feelings that may arise. This is perfectly normal and it gets easier. I promise. Eventually.

4. Authenticity is a journey not a destination. Celebrate every small step forward to becoming more authentic. You won’t get it right first time, you’ll mess up, you’ll say the ‘wrong’ thing or you’ll say the right thing in the ‘wrong’ way, but ultimately you’ll learn and you will grow.

5. Community is important. Perhaps you are growing and those around you are not. I know how hard this can be, and I can offer support when things get tough. I created a space where you could reach out and realise you are not alone. Why not join our Authentic Connections Facebook Group, or if you live in Glasgow, Scotland why not join our meet up group. I also offer one to one coaching and please always feel like you can reach out.

6. Just try it out! Don’t wait until you feel ready, you probably never will. Just speak from the heart and shine your beautiful and imperfect light.

I am always here for you. You are not alone.

Yours authentically

Clare

The post How can I be more authentic? appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.

When asked this question, I started to think about the process that I went through to build a nourishing and positive relationship with myself. I don’t claim to be perfect, and the great thing is that we can always deepen this relationship and we can always show ourselves more love. But in saying that, I have made massive shifts in this area, that have helped transform my life.

Like all solid connections, the relationship I have with myself has been built up over time, there have been what felt like ‘high’ and ‘low’ points, but these all formed key components of the journey, and I would like to share some personal reflections and helpful tips with you.

One crucial aspect of this journey, was simplifying my life and taking time to get to know myself. I cut back on time spent with others to increase the time I spent with myself. I stopped looking outside and started listening within. From this point I was able to question certain beliefs I held about myself and chip away at some of the social conditioning.

Being in a solid relationship with yourself means listening to yourself, knowing yourself, valuing yourself and loving yourself. The result of this for me, is that it means that I never feel alone because I am with myself. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy company, I do, very much so, but when I am on my own (through choice) I feel content and peaceful.

So how can we move towards this point?

Something I know from my own experience and working with others is that we are often our harshest critics! Why not take an audit of how you interact with yourself, you could monitor how you speak to yourself. Do you speak with words of kindness and love? Do you speak to yourself like you would a friend or an enemy?

I often say ‘be your own best friend’. Think about how you ‘get to know’ a new person in your life, maybe a potential friend or potential romantic interest. You are curious about them.. Maybe you ask them questions and take time to listen to their responses. This process makes us feel close and connected to that other person. Try going through this process with yourself! You could even take yourself on a date!

Taking time just for you is the perfect way to develop the relationship you have with self. A great way of getting to know yourself and connecting with yourself is journaling. Get curious! Ask yourself questions. How do I feel right now? What do I think? What do I enjoy doing? Who do I like? Who am I? Ask yourself anything you feel curious about, then write the response and let it flow. It may feel a bit weird to begin with, that’s OK, keep going. Whatever comes up treat it with curiosity rather than judgement.

Having a good relationship with yourself can also mean setting boundaries about how you let others treat you. It is important that we honour ourselves as much as we honour others. This includes not putting yourself at the bottom of the priority list e.g. not saying ‘yes’ all the time when you really want to say ‘no’.

Not sure how to say ‘no’? I can help you with that (send me a message)

As always I encourage you to use your innate critical thinking skills! Please never take everything I say as the ‘truth’. Read and then see which parts resonate most with you. My aim isn’t to give people answers, it’s to help people to empower themselves. I have a gift of being able to tease that out.

What do YOU think a good relationship with self looks and feels like?

Sending you love

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post How can I develop a better relationship with myself? appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.

This week has been one of those weeks. I’ve been feeling exhausted and craving cuddles, chocolate and cozy pjs. I’ve been doing my best to push through as I had a variety of important commitments scheduled, but it has felt more challenging to see the positives surrounding me and everyone seems to be just a little bit more irritating than usual.

The most irritating person of all has been Helga! Who is Helga you may ask? Helga is the name of my ‘inner critic’. When things get PMessy you can guarantee that Helga will make an appearance. Helga tells me that I’m fat, Helga tells me that I’m ugly and Helga tells me that I’m not good enough. It feels like she’s not on my side.

I notice that one negative thought, can lead to another, and another. Like a set of dominoes that fall down one by one and my mood can become lower and lower. Now, Helga may seem tough but I know she’s just another part of me that needs attention, I make an effort to be more gentle with myself and I send her love. Taking time to look after myself and do nice things for myself helps but there is another tool I have developed that can silence the almighty Helga.

So what is this powerful tool?

ASKING EMPOWERING QUESTIONS.

Asking empowering questions interrupts that negative spiral, stopping those pesky dominoes in their tracks. When we ask ourselves a direct question this pushes the negative thoughts out and creates space.  Empowering questions change our mental focus, and therefore, can lift our mood.

Examples of questions that I find empowering are ‘what can I appreciate about this situation?’, ‘what can I learn from this?’, and ‘how can I love myself more right now?’. These questions work for me, but it’s important that you choose questions that help YOU to feel empowered.

Most of us struggle with negative thoughts to a greater or lesser extent, but most of us have also been taught that admitting this makes us ‘weak’ and ‘pathetic’ and so we hide behind a mask that says ‘I’m good thanks’.

I used to hide behind a mask because I was scared to expose my ‘flaws’. But now I choose to share through speaking from the heart and I am calling for others to join me. Why not share in the comments below some of your common negative thought patterns? Or maybe you could share if you have a name for your inner critic? Or perhaps you could tell us how you manage your mood changes at that time of the month?

Speaking from the heart can help transform the way we communicate. When we express more of ourselves we can truly connect. We can support each other and feel less alone. In doing so, we create compassionate communities that fully acknowledge our own common humanity.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Sending you love

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post When it all gets a bit PMessy! appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.

I was committed to this intention, and I worked hard! There were times that I found myself stumbling over my words, finding it almost impossible to express my authentic thoughts and emotions, but then there were other times I found myself being pleasantly surprised by the words I heard coming out of my mouth, and the warm feeling I had in my heart. I had challenging and transformative conversations that felt nourishing and expansive. There were times that I felt deeply connected to others yet there were many times when I felt completely alone.

During this time, I witnessed the impact that my authenticity had on those around me. Some people opened up more, and thanked me for inspiring them, but there were others that looked confused and distanced themselves from me. I worried what people were thinking about me. Was I going too deep? Was I scaring people away? Did people like the ‘real’ me? Did I like the real me?

I questioned many of the connections I had in my life, and took an audit of how I felt around people. As someone who has the gift of being an empath, I feel other people’s emotions which makes this process much more challenging. I tried to work out who actually cares about me, and who am I convenient to?

At first communication felt clumsy and awkward and I felt scared. I developed tools to challenge my negative self talk and often said to myself ‘follow your heart and trust the process’. I reached out to others on a similar path hoping that someone else would understand and I was able to start the process of making new friends.

At times, I found myself falling back into old habits and adopting my chameleon like abilities depending on who I was with. ‘Just be you’, I told myself, but I wasn’t quite sure who that was yet. I opened my heart up and showed my vulnerable self to some people, then felt too exposed and became overly defensive. I told myself ‘I don’t want to live in the shadows anymore, I CAN do this’.

Expressing my authentic self has, at times, felt completely overwhelming, yet at the same time it has been liberating. I feel fantastic. My confidence and self-esteem have radically improved as a direct result of this transformative practice. I have come to the conclusion that everything interesting happens outside of my comfort zone. Authenticity is a journey not a destination and I continue to practice. I do not claim to be perfect (and I would be hesitant to believe any ‘guru/expert’ that does), but I have significant experience, tools and insights from this practice and if something I have written resonates with you, please feel free to get in touch. You’re not alone. I can help you.

I write about my journey so openly because I think many other people feel the same, yet often we hide. When we expose our tender heart we run the risk of it being hurt and so sometimes it’s easier to pretend that we don’t ‘feel’. We stay in our comfort zones, we put up a mask, and we hide where others cannot see us. I have found the courage to expose my tenderness and I invite you to do the same.

I am passionate about creating spaces where we can talk openly without ridicule, shame or judgement. What I have experienced through my personal life and working with ‘Authentic Connections’ groups is that it is only once we truly open up, that we can truly connect.

If you feel like you can relate to this blog post, please feel free to connect in the comments section below or send me a message. Remember that exposing your more tender parts is an act of courage, you can do it, and I will support you with love.

Yours authentically,

Clare x

The post My year of being fully authentic appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.

Sensitivity is something I both notice and appreciate in others, however this hasn’t always been the case. There were times I got it massively wrong, there were times I was dismissive of people’s feelings, there were times I took the piss and ridiculed others. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

But there was a reason for this, for you see, I did not have the capacity to appreciate the sensitivity in others because I did not appreciate my own sensitivity. In some ways I had disowned that part of myself. My sensitivity had brought me great pain and therefore I kept it locked away. Perhaps I resented those who had the audacity to express it. Now, I choose to live open heartedly, and although that means that my feelings are hurt more often, I feel more connected to my true nature and I also feel more free.

Recently the relationships I have with some of the men in my life have deepened and I have witnessed more of their sensitivity which got me thinking.

What is it that I adore about sensitive men?

There is great beauty within them, and my heart bursts open when I feel their compassion and their care. I can connect with them on an emotional level. I feel a closeness when they trust me enough to open up and express their feelings, or even to cry in front of me. In return they seem better equipped to support me whilst I am feeling emotional or at least are able to employ empathy more readily to me during these times.

I love the subtlety, that they can read between the lines and I don’t need to spell things out for them. I love when they notice the small changes in my mood and ask if I am OK. This makes me feel safer with them.

Perhaps I appreciate the more tender love they have to offer. Does sensitivity make them better lovers? In my experience, often it does, yes, but there’s something more than that.

I’ve realised what I love more than anything is the integration of all parts of themselves, some would call it their ‘feminine’ side. The fullness of their authentic self is expressed and they feel more ‘whole’ to me.

Through employing authentic communication I have discovered that all men are more sensitive under the surface once we get to know them and I have come to the conclusion that…

All men are more sensitive than society gives them permission to be.

We only need to look at the shockingly high male suicide rates to know that there is a problem with emotional repression. Things are changing, but not fast enough, so I asked myself how can I support men more?

Maybe I could create a safer environment for men to open up.

I have used my authentic voice to speak out in my own social circle, and on social media.

Through conversations I have challenged societal views by saying explicitly, ‘it’s OK for men to cry’, ’emotional repression is not healthy for anyone’ and ‘we should all talk more about our feelings’.

When men have trusted me enough to open up I have welcomed and praised their vulnerability and accepted them for who they are. I have tried to understand things from their perspective to show that I care. Something I noticed is that they often felt ‘wrong’ for the intense way that they felt the world. They had been shamed in some way for their sensitivity. Laughed at. Ridiculed. Society taught them that their sensitivity was ‘wrong’.

Sensitivity is the powerful ability to feel the world around you and within you.

Let’s start to frame sensitivity as a strength – IT FUCKING IS!

I feel lucky to have known so many beautiful sensitive men and I want to say THANK YOU, for you have touched my heart deeply.

I see you

I feel you

I love you

If you are blessed enough to have the sacred gift of sensitivity please keep shining your authentic light. The world needs to feel your warmth.

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post Why I love sensitive men appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.