When asked this question, I started to think about the process that I went through to build a nourishing and positive relationship with myself. I don’t claim to be perfect, and the great thing is that we can always deepen this relationship and we can always show ourselves more love. But in saying that, I have made massive shifts in this area, that have helped transform my life.

Like all solid connections, the relationship I have with myself has been built up over time, there have been what felt like ‘high’ and ‘low’ points, but these all formed key components of the journey, and I would like to share some personal reflections and helpful tips with you.

One crucial aspect of this journey, was simplifying my life and taking time to get to know myself. I cut back on time spent with others to increase the time I spent with myself. I stopped looking outside and started listening within. From this point I was able to question certain beliefs I held about myself and chip away at some of the social conditioning.

Being in a solid relationship with yourself means listening to yourself, knowing yourself, valuing yourself and loving yourself. The result of this for me, is that it means that I never feel alone because I am with myself. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy company, I do, very much so, but when I am on my own (through choice) I feel content and peaceful.

So how can we move towards this point?

Something I know from my own experience and working with others is that we are often our harshest critics! Why not take an audit of how you interact with yourself, you could monitor how you speak to yourself. Do you speak with words of kindness and love? Do you speak to yourself like you would a friend or an enemy?

I often say ‘be your own best friend’. Think about how you ‘get to know’ a new person in your life, maybe a potential friend or potential romantic interest. You are curious about them.. Maybe you ask them questions and take time to listen to their responses. This process makes us feel close and connected to that other person. Try going through this process with yourself! You could even take yourself on a date!

Taking time just for you is the perfect way to develop the relationship you have with self. A great way of getting to know yourself and connecting with yourself is journaling. Get curious! Ask yourself questions. How do I feel right now? What do I think? What do I enjoy doing? Who do I like? Who am I? Ask yourself anything you feel curious about, then write the response and let it flow. It may feel a bit weird to begin with, that’s OK, keep going. Whatever comes up treat it with curiosity rather than judgement.

Having a good relationship with yourself can also mean setting boundaries about how you let others treat you. It is important that we honour ourselves as much as we honour others. This includes not putting yourself at the bottom of the priority list e.g. not saying ‘yes’ all the time when you really want to say ‘no’.

Not sure how to say ‘no’? I can help you with that (send me a message)

As always I encourage you to use your innate critical thinking skills! Please never take everything I say as the ‘truth’. Read and then see which parts resonate most with you. My aim isn’t to give people answers, it’s to help people to empower themselves. I have a gift of being able to tease that out.

What do YOU think a good relationship with self looks and feels like?

Sending you love

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post How can I develop a better relationship with myself? appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.

Sensitivity is something I both notice and appreciate in others, however this hasn’t always been the case. There were times I got it massively wrong, there were times I was dismissive of people’s feelings, there were times I took the piss and ridiculed others. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

But there was a reason for this, for you see, I did not have the capacity to appreciate the sensitivity in others because I did not appreciate my own sensitivity. In some ways I had disowned that part of myself. My sensitivity had brought me great pain and therefore I kept it locked away. Perhaps I resented those who had the audacity to express it. Now, I choose to live open heartedly, and although that means that my feelings are hurt more often, I feel more connected to my true nature and I also feel more free.

Recently the relationships I have with some of the men in my life have deepened and I have witnessed more of their sensitivity which got me thinking.

What is it that I adore about sensitive men?

There is great beauty within them, and my heart bursts open when I feel their compassion and their care. I can connect with them on an emotional level. I feel a closeness when they trust me enough to open up and express their feelings, or even to cry in front of me. In return they seem better equipped to support me whilst I am feeling emotional or at least are able to employ empathy more readily to me during these times.

I love the subtlety, that they can read between the lines and I don’t need to spell things out for them. I love when they notice the small changes in my mood and ask if I am OK. This makes me feel safer with them.

Perhaps I appreciate the more tender love they have to offer. Does sensitivity make them better lovers? In my experience, often it does, yes, but there’s something more than that.

I’ve realised what I love more than anything is the integration of all parts of themselves, some would call it their ‘feminine’ side. The fullness of their authentic self is expressed and they feel more ‘whole’ to me.

Through employing authentic communication I have discovered that all men are more sensitive under the surface once we get to know them and I have come to the conclusion that…

All men are more sensitive than society gives them permission to be.

We only need to look at the shockingly high male suicide rates to know that there is a problem with emotional repression. Things are changing, but not fast enough, so I asked myself how can I support men more?

Maybe I could create a safer environment for men to open up.

I have used my authentic voice to speak out in my own social circle, and on social media.

Through conversations I have challenged societal views by saying explicitly, ‘it’s OK for men to cry’, ’emotional repression is not healthy for anyone’ and ‘we should all talk more about our feelings’.

When men have trusted me enough to open up I have welcomed and praised their vulnerability and accepted them for who they are. I have tried to understand things from their perspective to show that I care. Something I noticed is that they often felt ‘wrong’ for the intense way that they felt the world. They had been shamed in some way for their sensitivity. Laughed at. Ridiculed. Society taught them that their sensitivity was ‘wrong’.

Sensitivity is the powerful ability to feel the world around you and within you.

Let’s start to frame sensitivity as a strength – IT FUCKING IS!

I feel lucky to have known so many beautiful sensitive men and I want to say THANK YOU, for you have touched my heart deeply.

I see you

I feel you

I love you

If you are blessed enough to have the sacred gift of sensitivity please keep shining your authentic light. The world needs to feel your warmth.

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post Why I love sensitive men appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.