This week has been one of those weeks. I’ve been feeling exhausted and craving cuddles, chocolate and cozy pjs. I’ve been doing my best to push through as I had a variety of important commitments scheduled, but it has felt more challenging to see the positives surrounding me and everyone seems to be just a little bit more irritating than usual.

The most irritating person of all has been Helga! Who is Helga you may ask? Helga is the name of my ‘inner critic’. When things get PMessy you can guarantee that Helga will make an appearance. Helga tells me that I’m fat, Helga tells me that I’m ugly and Helga tells me that I’m not good enough. It feels like she’s not on my side.

I notice that one negative thought, can lead to another, and another. Like a set of dominoes that fall down one by one and my mood can become lower and lower. Now, Helga may seem tough but I know she’s just another part of me that needs attention, I make an effort to be more gentle with myself and I send her love. Taking time to look after myself and do nice things for myself helps but there is another tool I have developed that can silence the almighty Helga.

So what is this powerful tool?

ASKING EMPOWERING QUESTIONS.

Asking empowering questions interrupts that negative spiral, stopping those pesky dominoes in their tracks. When we ask ourselves a direct question this pushes the negative thoughts out and creates space.  Empowering questions change our mental focus, and therefore, can lift our mood.

Examples of questions that I find empowering are ‘what can I appreciate about this situation?’, ‘what can I learn from this?’, and ‘how can I love myself more right now?’. These questions work for me, but it’s important that you choose questions that help YOU to feel empowered.

Most of us struggle with negative thoughts to a greater or lesser extent, but most of us have also been taught that admitting this makes us ‘weak’ and ‘pathetic’ and so we hide behind a mask that says ‘I’m good thanks’.

I used to hide behind a mask because I was scared to expose my ‘flaws’. But now I choose to share through speaking from the heart and I am calling for others to join me. Why not share in the comments below some of your common negative thought patterns? Or maybe you could share if you have a name for your inner critic? Or perhaps you could tell us how you manage your mood changes at that time of the month?

Speaking from the heart can help transform the way we communicate. When we express more of ourselves we can truly connect. We can support each other and feel less alone. In doing so, we create compassionate communities that fully acknowledge our own common humanity.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

Sending you love

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post When it all gets a bit PMessy! appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.

Sensitivity is something I both notice and appreciate in others, however this hasn’t always been the case. There were times I got it massively wrong, there were times I was dismissive of people’s feelings, there were times I took the piss and ridiculed others. And for that, I’m truly sorry.

But there was a reason for this, for you see, I did not have the capacity to appreciate the sensitivity in others because I did not appreciate my own sensitivity. In some ways I had disowned that part of myself. My sensitivity had brought me great pain and therefore I kept it locked away. Perhaps I resented those who had the audacity to express it. Now, I choose to live open heartedly, and although that means that my feelings are hurt more often, I feel more connected to my true nature and I also feel more free.

Recently the relationships I have with some of the men in my life have deepened and I have witnessed more of their sensitivity which got me thinking.

What is it that I adore about sensitive men?

There is great beauty within them, and my heart bursts open when I feel their compassion and their care. I can connect with them on an emotional level. I feel a closeness when they trust me enough to open up and express their feelings, or even to cry in front of me. In return they seem better equipped to support me whilst I am feeling emotional or at least are able to employ empathy more readily to me during these times.

I love the subtlety, that they can read between the lines and I don’t need to spell things out for them. I love when they notice the small changes in my mood and ask if I am OK. This makes me feel safer with them.

Perhaps I appreciate the more tender love they have to offer. Does sensitivity make them better lovers? In my experience, often it does, yes, but there’s something more than that.

I’ve realised what I love more than anything is the integration of all parts of themselves, some would call it their ‘feminine’ side. The fullness of their authentic self is expressed and they feel more ‘whole’ to me.

Through employing authentic communication I have discovered that all men are more sensitive under the surface once we get to know them and I have come to the conclusion that…

All men are more sensitive than society gives them permission to be.

We only need to look at the shockingly high male suicide rates to know that there is a problem with emotional repression. Things are changing, but not fast enough, so I asked myself how can I support men more?

Maybe I could create a safer environment for men to open up.

I have used my authentic voice to speak out in my own social circle, and on social media.

Through conversations I have challenged societal views by saying explicitly, ‘it’s OK for men to cry’, ’emotional repression is not healthy for anyone’ and ‘we should all talk more about our feelings’.

When men have trusted me enough to open up I have welcomed and praised their vulnerability and accepted them for who they are. I have tried to understand things from their perspective to show that I care. Something I noticed is that they often felt ‘wrong’ for the intense way that they felt the world. They had been shamed in some way for their sensitivity. Laughed at. Ridiculed. Society taught them that their sensitivity was ‘wrong’.

Sensitivity is the powerful ability to feel the world around you and within you.

Let’s start to frame sensitivity as a strength – IT FUCKING IS!

I feel lucky to have known so many beautiful sensitive men and I want to say THANK YOU, for you have touched my heart deeply.

I see you

I feel you

I love you

If you are blessed enough to have the sacred gift of sensitivity please keep shining your authentic light. The world needs to feel your warmth.

Yours authentically

Clare x

The post Why I love sensitive men appeared first on Transformational Life Coaching with Clare Bennett.